The American Express Card: Don't Be Homeless Without It.
Francisco, April 31
(Reuters)--An advocate for the homeless in
San Francisco, Calif., has
proposed that the city's panhandlers be equipped to accept credit cards.
The "Benevolent Box Program" would give credit card readers to street
beggars to help them accept donations from passersby. The program is an
"innovative plan, which empowers homeless persons to take responsible
action for their lives," said an enthusiastic Mayor Willie Brown. "It's
more than a Band-Aid solution," says Karen Gatter, who thought up the
Bert & Ernie Announce New Merger
YORK, September 21 (FM) -- In a move that rocked the Wall Street today, Bert
and Ernie announced that they had merged to form Bernie, a move that will
position them into the No. 2 spot, past Big Bird and just behind Barney.
In recent years the two had
lost sponsorship from the letter P and the number 5, and analysts say the
merger will help solidify their market share.
"This is a logical move for
us," said Bert. "'Share' is our favorite word."
Marilyn Monroe sighting at
If corn oil comes from corn,
where does baby oil come from?
When a cow laughs does milk
come up its nose?
If nothing sticks to Teflon,
how do they stick Teflon on the pan?
What's another word for
Why is abbreviation such a long
Do vegetarians eat animal
Is there another word for
Isn't it scary that doctors
call what they do "practice"?
There are two rules for ultimate
success in life.
1. Never tell everything you know.
No Charge For the Haircut
A priest walked into a barber shop in
Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would
be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord."
The next morning, the barber came to
work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the
priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in
and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said,
"No charge. I consider it a service to the community."
The next morning, he came to work and
there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police
Then, a Senator came in and got a
haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said,
"No charge. I consider it a service to the country."
The next morning, the barber came to
work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.
Saint Peter had a terrible cold
and fever and didn't think he would last the day minding the Pearly Gates
of Heaven. So he phoned Jesus to ask for the day off.
"Why, Peter," Jesus said. "You
know your health is my first concern. Take as much time as you need."
As Jesus pondered who he might
use to replace Peter, he decided to handle the job himself. It was a very
slow day and no one approached the Gates until late in the afternoon, when
in the distance, Jesus saw a bent, white-haired old man slowly making his
way up the path with the aid of a gnarled cane.
As the man neared, Jesus said,
"Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?"
"Well," replied the man, "I was
hoping to enter the Gates of Heaven."
"We would certainly love to
have you," said Jesus, "but we do have certain rules as to who can enter
Heaven. Tell me, what have you done to deserve such an honor?"
"Actually, I have done nothing
so wonderful myself," said the man. "I lived in a small town and led a
simple life as a carpenter. But my son," he continued, "now HE was special
With pride in his voice he
said, "I raised him to be a carpenter like myself and did my best to teach
him right from wrong. And when he grew older, an amazing transformation
overcame him and to this day he's known throughout the world and loved by
As Jesus listened to the story,
a sense of recognition came to him. With a lump in his throat and a tear
in his eye, he threw open his arms and cried, "Father!"
Emotional at this outburst, the
old man threw open his arms and yelled, "Pinocchio!"